Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
