wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
