Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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