I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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