i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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