I wish my penis had an off switch
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I understand Curling. That high.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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