The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
