Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
