your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize