We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
