he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
