some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
