Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
