Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
