you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
