Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
