Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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