I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
