Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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