dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
