I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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