I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
