After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
do herpes really smell.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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