You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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