Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
