If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
