i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
