went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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