I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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