i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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