My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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