the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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