I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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