You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
