I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
