you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
