I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
