I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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