Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
