he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
