i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
