I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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