I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
