her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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