The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
