2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
