Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
