The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You pole danced in your parka.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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