I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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