I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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