hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
