Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
