I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
