hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
