You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
