im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
