where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
