shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I enjoy the company of your penis
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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