I skipped work to stalk him.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
