After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
What a dumb baby whore.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
