sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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