Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
