first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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