Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
