What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How does one acquire holy water?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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