is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
