You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
