he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
