Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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