my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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