Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
