I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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