Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
