apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
