Cold hands, warm shart.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
