he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
