thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
