So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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