you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
