When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
