I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
